Friday, March 12, 2010


This week has been tough. Much as I love Jackson, he is at a tough stage right now. He is a very hands-on boy: his hands are always on-- the baby's face, the laundry, my computer, my book, the music stand on the piano.... If I get Adelyn to take a nap or play happily on the floor, he comes up and pokes her eyes, slobbers on her or just sits on her. There isn't a mean bone in his body, but he just doesn't understand the meaning of the word "gentle." I've wondered if maybe he just needs more physical affection, but adding on the hugs and snuggles hasn't lessened the poking of the baby. I've tried taking him out to do fun stuff, but his appetite is insatiable: as soon as we are done doing one thing, he just wants to do another. Eventually laundry, dishes, feeding the baby and other random necessities need to get done.

Jackson loves the car. Unfortunately, Addy is not such a fan and with her it is much easier to be at home. Every day after his breakfast and cup of milk he asks to go in the car to "Yell's house" (Ranell's house). I love that he loves my friends, but we can't hang out at Ranell's house all day every day of the week. I've tried taking Jackson to do other things, but as soon as he realizes we aren't turning the right way to go to her house he starts crying, "yell's house, nell's house, dis way!" Or if we go somewhere else and he likes it, then as soon as we get home and park the car in the garage he starts crying for "yell's house." It's starting to make me feel bad that Jackson likes her house so much better than ours. What am I doing wrong that he can't be happy here? I'm at the end of my rope. I took Jackson to preschool play at the indoor field house today and thought it would be perfect for him- a chance to run and get energy out on a huge field that is fully contained with a door! He spent most of the time either throwing a fit because he wanted to eat raisins on the field (against the rules) or exploring how to open the door to the field and then crawling up and down the benches on the outside. What's a mom to do?

Beyond that, Addy has needs too. She's pretty laid-back, but she likes to be held and snuggled (and protected from Jackson's love). There is stuff to get done, meals to make, dishes to do. For the first time in my life I actually hired someone to help with cleaning. It has helped a lot (although part of me feels like I'm not doing my job), but I still just feel like there's not enough of me to go around. There's not enough of me to keep everyone happy. 

I know. I need to look at the glass as being half-full. There are so many other parts of my life that don't have any scarcity, that it is almost laughable. I don't have a scarcity of children, for starters. :) I don't have a scarcity of food, to which my figure will quickly attest. I don't have a scarcity of opportunities or talents, although there may be a scarcity of energy to pursue them right now. I have so many blessings and I am truly grateful for them. The fact that I have kids to challenge me and make my life more interesting is something to be grateful for. But sometimes I just need to have a whine session. And some phases are easier than others.

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