Behind Again

I really hate getting behind. So guess what is the story of my life? Be it the dishes, housework, bills or blogging, getting behind is what I specialize in. It's not that I don't try to keep up... I am generally a fairly organized person, but I think having children destroys whatever part of your brain controls organization and time management.

At least this time I have a decent excuse: after getting back from vacation, my computer died and was completely non-functional for several weeks. Not to be deterred, I took my children to the library and used the computer there about three times a week, but somehow, blogging loses some of its charm when it is done in a library trying to shush the child who is climbing all over you like a jungle gym using your hair as a safety mechanism. But after weeks of waiting, my operating system is re-installed and my laptop is functional again. Yes! But in the meantime, Jackson has learned to crawl and pull himself up on furniture and is generally less easy to contain while I am writing. Sigh! Not that I don't want him to learn to be mobile, but it is a very pleasant stage when they will stay where you set them and happily play with some toys.

I finally got Jackson down for his nap today and finished the first paragraph of this post when I heard a wail on the baby monitor. This would be the other major reason that I am categorically incapable of completing a task without getting sidetracked. Mothering sometimes can be an exercise in frustration in that regard: it is impossible to do a task without getting interrupted- usually several times. Jared and Camryn are fighting, Jackson wakes up, someone wants to be fed, the dryer is buzzing... just pick your favorite. By the end of the interruptions I often can't remember what I started out to do in the first place.

With the exception of the first week of life, when Jackson slept basically nonstop (after which he nursed nonstop for the next three months to make up for it), he has never been a great sleeper. I suppose this is partially my fault because I have been too exhausted/preoccupied/busy to create a predictable nap time and sleeping routine. On the other hand, I would be a lot more motivated to expend time and effort putting him down for a nap if he slept for longer than 20 minutes at a sitting.

I know people have very strong opinions when it comes to the subject of babies and sleeping... and babies (and grownups) are so different, that it is really hard to compare fairly. I am a big believer in attachment parenting: I think that for the first year or so of life, your job as a parent is to show your child that their needs will be met. Whenever they cry, you come and fix it. Later in the next year or two, after they are secure and know that their needs will be met, you show them that you are the boss and they have to play by your rules (i.e. You don't cry and whine to get what you want). It drives me crazy when people say, "If you pick up a crying baby you'll just teach them to cry to get what they want." What do you expect them to do? Announce, "I'm lonely, mommy. Pick me up and give me a snuggle." Teaching children not to cry to get what they want is a task for when they have at least some alternate form of communication, not to mention developmental readiness. You may miss more sleep during the first year, but I think the psychological benefits of "spoiling" for your child as a baby far outweigh the lack of sleep.

But enough of spouting lofty ideals and back to the real world. I don't think that people that "teach their children to sleep" are wrong or bad. I have at least partially done it with both my other kids. There is definitely a point where it can be appropriate and desirable. With Camryn it wasn't an issue because after the first 6 weeks she was a great sleeper. Jared wasn't so hot. I finally hit my wall when he was 9 months old and I was up with him for 2 hours straight from 3-5 am. Every time I laid him in his crib he started crying. I carefully nursed him, changed him, snuggled him and ever so gently laid him in his crib, but the instant he got close to the mattress he started screaming. And that's when I decided that it might be OK if he cried a little bit. I just get frustrated with people on both sides of the fence who act like they have the *ONE* magical answer and everyone who doesn't do it their way is either misinformed or evil. (Is that what I sound like when I spout about attachment parenting?=] )

You know, on the one hand, you get the Babywise crowd who brag that their children scream, er uh, sleep 14 hours a night starting at 6 weeks old. On the other hand you get the earth mother crowd that have a "family bed" on the floor of their master bedroom and children who sleep with mom and dad until they are 10..... Either of which is fine if that floats your boat and you are willing to deal with the consequences of it. I just personally think that letting your child scream it out at 6 weeks under-nourishes and psychologically damages them... and having my children sleep in my bed until they are 10 would psychologically damage me. =] (Hmmm, do I sound like I think Babywisers are misinformed or evil? Life would be so much easier if we could just be hypocritical!)

So, to each his own... but the reason I pick Jackson up and let him sleep in my bed at 3:00 am is not just because I'm stupid or don't realize there other ways of doing things. It's just that this way, despite its downsides, happens to work for me and I am willing to put up with the costs because of the benefits. And I have friends who I respect very much who do baby sleep differently than I do-- and that is fine.

So wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, about how behind I am because I'm always getting sidetracked and I need to catch up on my blog. But Jackson just woke up, so off I go....