The Finale to "Some Days" or "How Not to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying"

So the day after my last whiny pathetic post I made yet another stab at getting Adelyn's picture taken, this time with success. I also learned a valuable lesson on how to successfully drive a business into the ground. Next time I have the urge to buy a quickie-kids-photo-where-they-run-the-camera-like-a-cash-register franchise, I'll remember it.

I returned to Kiddie Kandids on Friday, but this time I made an appointment. Despite all attempts at promptness, I hit traffic, construction and Jackson's willpower and ended up being late. I tried 3 or 4 times to call the studio to let them know I would be a few minutes behind, but got a busy signal every single time. I apologized when I got there and the photographer (that seems generous, I think "camera operator" is probably more appropriate term) said that "she was on the phone with her superior." Does "superior" translate into "boyfriend" in any English-related dialects? No matter. She was still finishing up someone else's photos when I arrived, so I didn't feel so very bad for being late.

We got down to pictures and, all in all, they went pretty well. Except that Jackson thought it looked like great fun, so he climbed down from the shopping cart and attempted to get in the picture with Addy. And distracted her so she looked at him instead of the camera. And generally interrupted the process however possible.

When I made the appointment, they informed me that the studio was under new ownership and a few things had changed. For one thing, they didn't print out your photos immediately any more: you had to wait two weeks and come back. That was definitely sad news, but hey, it still beat having to park at the mall, find the elevator at JCPenney's and wait 45 minutes when you had an appointment, right? I still got to pick out the photos on the spot. The difficulty was that there was someone with an appointment for pictures immediately after me and the other girl who was supposed to be working that morning hadn't shown up yet. So the camera operator asked if I could come back in 15 minutes to pick out the photos. Addy was getting fussy and wanted to nurse, so that actually worked out rather well. I went and nursed Addy in the mother's room (at least one plus for being in a Babies'R'Us store) and then went back. And waited. And waited. And waited. It was at least 30 minutes after I got back from nursing Addy that I waited just to get a chance to look through my pictures to pick which ones I wanted. You can imagine how patient and obedient Jackson was by the time we had puttered around a store for 45 minutes.

Finally, camera operator #2 showed up and she was able to help me look at my pictures. With only a quick "Sorry, I was detained," for my 45 minutes of confinement in a store with a two-year-old and a baby, we went on to the pleasant process of selecting pictures with a whiny two-year-old who refused to stay near me. "Just wait a moment please, while I put together some collages for you. Typically we do this during the 15 minutes while you are waiting," she added. I internally retorted, "I don't need to pay extra for fancy writing and a cheesy border. Just show me my pictures already. Finally we got to it.

"Let me show you our Premiere package," she began. "Actually," I interrupted her, "I just want four 8x10s please." She stared in disbelief, like I had just turned down a chance to purchase a Picasso for pennies and then proceeded with her spiel, adding only, "Well, just in case, let me show you our packages anyway." Translation: I am forced to try to sell this to you. It is my job. I don't care that you have a fussy baby and a whiny two-year-old, of whose whereabouts you are now uncertain. So I sat while she patiently explained that while the Premiere package was $999.99, it was on sale for only $459.99 and with the special discounts running right now it was a bargain at $429.99. She finally got to the last package and emphasized that this was the last package that included the CD with the digital images and rights to the photos. If you opted out of the wall portrait, it was only $199.99! I earned myself another shocked stare when I turned this opportunity down without a second thought. "But what if you want them someday?" she protested. Hmmm... maybe I'll take that money and use it on a real photographer?

I finally got to the photos themselves. I asked if there was any way to compare two photos side by side. There wasn't. So back and forth we went. I tried to go as quickly as I could in between breaks to race off and drag Jackson back from whatever part of the store he had wandered off to or lure him back with a toy. As I sorted past photos I didn't like, she would interject, "I really like that one. It's so cute." Or she would randomly butt in and say, "I think you should get this one with the fluorescent green border. It really brightens it up!" Well I don't, OK?

I tried to keep Jackson in the near vicinity by grabbing some toys or the floor model of a tricycle for him to play with and the camera operator had the gall to scold him at one point, "You need to be careful! This isn't a playground!" Well, he wouldn't be at the end of his rope already if we hadn't been waiting for 45 minutes (through the middle of his lunchtime) for you to show up for work! By the time we finished we had been there for two and half hours. With no lunch.

I finally got my four 8x10s, as predicted, along with a sheet of 5x7s and a free collage. That is, I got them ordered. I still have to go back and pick them up. So, how is that for being more convenient than JCPenney? I had to make an appointment, I had to wait around forever, I have to come back and pick the pictures up later. Well, at least I didn't have to go up an elevator....

More on "Some Days"

So my day wasn't really over yet with that last post, I was just tired of writing in present-tense. (It gets annoying really fast.)

After re-realizing yet again why it is that I don't usually attempt arduous tasks like folding laundry, I piled Addy and Jackson into the car to run errands. When Camryn came down this morning she said, "Mom, I need $16.69 or I don't get a class party." It turns out what she really meant was that she couldn't find her library book and unless she returned it or brought replacement money they wouldn't get a class party. I asked if she'd looked for it and she said, "Yes. I've looked everywhere." So I told her to eat her breakfast and I raced around the house, looking behind Camryn's bed and in the toy bins, but to no avail. Two minutes after Camryn had left for the bus, I saw her lunch sitting on the counter and I looked in a pile of papers on the paper-stacker where we put homework. Book found. Lovely. So basically that was a really long way of explaining why my first errand was to the school.

At this point Jackson was hungry, so I drove through Taco Bell and got him a cheese roll-up to eat while I sat in the parking lot preparing a bank deposit. When I checked to see how much he'd eaten, I saw a small stump of cheese roll-up by his feet and the rest was gone. Upon further examination I found that he had fed most of his cheese roll-up to Addy, who looked like she had enjoyed it immensely. After I drove through the bank, I pulled into a parking space to take a break to nurse Addy, who was starting to fuss. She had a stinky diaper... which had leaked onto her clothes. Which wouldn't be a problem except that I had 6 Jackson-sized diapers in the diaper bag and not a single one for Addy. After some creative folding, I got her changed and nursed her in the scenic parking lot.

Meanwhile, Jackson started to get fussy. He seemed hungry-- maybe that was because he fed his lunch to his 8-month-old sister. Baby back in seat, drive back to house, dump dirty clothes and diaper, get correct-sized diapers for Addy and milk cup for Jackson and off again.

In our family we wait to take baby pictures until the baby can sit up by herself. But Addy has been able to sit for a while now and is now 8 months old --and I still haven't gotten a studio picture of her taken. Even though it's been at the top of my list for over a week it still hasn't happened, so today, I determined, would be the day. We drove off to Babies'R'Us because they have a KiddieKandids that doesn't require an appointment. (I used to go to JCPenney but after enough experiences of waiting for an hour after my appointment before we got our pictures taken I just gave up.)

I got to Babies'R'Us and dinked around for a few minutes to see if they had an outfit there that was cuter than the one I brought. Jackson was still hungry (shocker, after how much of his lunch he fed to Addy) and was starting to whine for snacks, so I went to the back of the store and got a bag of baby cookies so he had something to snack on. Hopefully this would bribe Jackson to stay in the cart long enough to get Adelyn's picture taken.

I finally got up to the Kiddie Kandids desk and asked when their next appointment was. The lady cheerfully replied, "We have one at 3:00 pm." It was 1:42.... When I asked if there was anything earlier, she said, "I'm taking this customer at 1:45 and then we close for lunch from 2-3." Really... that's intuitive. I'm sure glad that wasn't posted on their website when I checked. The reasonable part of me realized that this was my fault. I should have called and made an appointment. I should have gotten an "appointment" as soon as I walked in the store. Honestly, I had been there before and never required an appointment or had them close from 2-3. But the unreasonable part of my was spitting mad. Did they realize that I drove 20 minutes through construction with a two-year-old and a baby just to come get her picture taken, not to mention wrestling Jackson through the store, trying to keep him in the cart? And I had to be home by 2:30 for the older kids to get home from school?

I wandered through the store, ready to punch somebody or at least put a two-year-old up for sale. At this point Jackson was trying to climb out of the cart seat and into the basket. He was putting a cookie in his mouth just long enough to get slobber on it and then spitting it out into the cart, where it was landing on the cute dress that I brought for Addy to wear in her picture. I don't believe in corporal punishment, but I had an overwhelming urge to smack that kid until he sat down in that cart and did what I said, but self-control prevailed at least in part and I contented my self with growling threats through clenched teeth. I got the handful of other things I needed and went to check out. By this time both children were upset and fussy. I imagine I didn't look very friendly. The checker asked, "Rough day?" Yeah. You could say that.

I wish I could say it got better. I got home and Camryn was a pill. We did her piano lesson and she had checked the box on her assignment sheet twice for a worksheet that she never did at all. During Jared's lesson we had weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth because I had the gall to ask him to play the right hand alone, "forte" like it was marked. And I asked him to practice slow!!!!!!! (Sob! The indignity of it all! The tragic, tragic horrible-ness....) "Mom," he explained in a cross between a growl and a sob, "how am I supposed to play it fast when I've practiced it slow?" "Jared," I responded in what was just plain a growl, "which one of us studied piano for 20 years (including studying just piano in college) and has taken lessons with famous teachers who are experts in the field just so she could know the best way to practice? I don't think it was you. So why are you trying to tell me the best way to do it?" (It turns out he was just expecting to pass off his piece right away and once he passed off one of his pieces on the first try he was happy as a lark.)

Grand illusions of cooking a beautiful, nutritious meal for dinner evolved into a plan to cook the corn on the cob before it went bad to supplement leftover mac and cheese. I sat Jackson up to eat, but he ate a few bites and then started chucking his food to the floor. I took away his high chair tray but then made multiple attempts to get him to eat more, to no avail. After dinner, the kids started building a fort out of chair cushions and Jackson's slide and a few minutes later Camryn erupted into a cacophony of savage screams, "Jared ruined my invention before I even got to try it!" By this point I had had enough. I sent Camryn and Jared to bed for the night at 7:00 pm followed by putting Jackson to bed. At this point, Jackson realized he was hungry. But I was not in the mood to be merciful, having spent 20 minutes trying to get him to eat that only resulted in him throwing food on my newly-mopped floor. So his sobs of, "My milk! My milk!" (as if maybe his milk would show compassion on him, now that his horrible mother wouldn't) fell on deaf ears. Sorry buddy, if you won't eat every time I sit you up, you feed all of your lunch to your sister and you've already had 5 cups of milk today that's what you're going to get.

Such was my day. The mother with the "lovely smile" who "cooks watermelon" that Camryn immortalized in her Mother's Day poem had turned into the wicked, evil stepmother. I guess I'll go buy a broom.

Why You Should Never Give a Two-Year-Old a Danimal

Why you should never give a two-year-old (who is used to drinking with a sippy cup) a Danimal yogurt drink, no matter how desperate you are.

"I want my Danimal back!!!!"

 "What mess, Mom?"

 

I've Read That Post Somewhere Before...

Sometimes I feel like rather than writing a new post, I should just include a link to one of my previous posts and write a note that you should change a few words or places around. So maybe my blog is redundant. Or maybe it is proof that it is still me writing and not some other person who has a perfect, unusually interesting life that has hijacked my google account. But it is my blog... and nobody's making you read it. At the risk of sounding exactly like many of my previous posts, I'm going to write this anyway.

I had a great weekend. Saturday is my day to sleep in. Dave works from home on his laptop while the kids play Wii and I... sleep! Dave often will take the phone off the hook (or he has even been known to put in the fridge) so I won't be disturbed during my one chance of the week to catch some zzzz's-- or maybe he just doesn't want to be bothered while he works. ;) At any rate, I apologize to any of you who have tried to call me on Saturday morning and had the phone ring endlessly to only be heard by the milk and eggs. Dave took the kids to Jared's basketball game and I had a quiet hour and a half with Addy to take a shower and mop the floor! (I think my fifteen-year-old self would cringe if she could have read that sentence.) But it was great. We didn't do much besides work around the house, but just having Dave around makes a day great. Saturday night Dave and I went out for dinner on a date.

Sundays are entirely transformed by the advent of ... 11:30 am church!!!! We have been 100%, completely, totally on time for two weeks in a row. It also helps that my two older kids have reached that blessed age when I can tell them to go upstairs and take a shower and they do just that. Mid-morning church has its flip side, though. Halfway through the meeting Jackson started asking for milk. Dave and I both realized that we were right smack in the middle of Jackson's lunchtime and because we had gotten to church early at 10:45 to practice the choir number, we didn't feed Jackson before we left or remember to pack snacks. Big-time oops. Jackson's pleas for milk got louder and louder. I staved him off for a while with fruit leather and a breath mint (both of which were generously applied to Dave's suit pants) but eventually had to take him out. By the time we got out of all three meetings at 2:30, got home and finished lunch it was almost 4:00. Jackson had a very late nap which resulted in a scream-until-10:30 p.m. bedtime (thank you, Dave, for putting him to bed!). Nonetheless, the day had its highlights including restful reading time, enjoyable conversation, Butternut Squash Ravioli with Brown Sugar Sage Walnut Sauce for lunch and homemade Tuscan Tomato and Bread Soup with fresh artisan bread for dinner (I know, it's always about the food)-- and the dishes even got done, too.

I greeted Monday morning convinced that I had the best life ever, set to conquer the world anew. I was cheerful when I got the kids out the door to school (what a great mother!), I made whole-wheat waffles for Jackson and I breakfast (see how domestic I am! what a great cook!), I planned some meals and made a grocery list (such an organized woman! a wise steward of resources!) and I didn't even get too annoyed when Jackson started pushing buttons on my laptop and trying to turn off the wireless (so patient and long-suffering-- well, at least working on it...). I had learned how to enjoy my life and handle my workload. I just had to know my limits and not try to be super-woman. To just enjoy what I have and enjoy what I do. To choose what is most important and do that well. And so I resolved that I would.

I needed to shop for groceries, so rather than making a big trip to Costco I decided to go somewhere closer (always looking for ways to cut back and conserve!). I needed to get the band on my watch adjusted, so I just figured that I would go to Fred Meyer and get the watch fixed and grocery shopping done all in one fell swoop (efficient, that's me!). Addy even fell asleep on the way to Fred Meyer (perfect timing!). It occurred to me that Jackson is old enough for the play place at Fred Meyer now. I could shop without trying to wrestle a two-year-old. Even better.

Unfortunately even the best-laid plans can come to naught. I spent almost the whole hour that Jackson was in the play place looking for storage containers and wash cloths for the kitchen, tights for Camryn and pricing silk plants. (My green thumb does not extend to houseplants. I have one that literally has turned black.) So I still ended up grocery shopping with Jackson. By that point Addy woke up and was fussy. Never fear! I had a sling packed in the diaper bag. So I grocery shopped with a two-year-old in the cart and a baby strapped on to me (I am buff woman! hear me roar!). Soon Addy really wanted to nurse. Luckily, the sling I have allows for that. So I grocery shopped with a getting-impatient two-year-old in the cart and a baby strapped on to me in nursing position (now that is multi-tasking!).

Proud as I was with myself for this feat of dexterity, I didn't realize that my trip was hanging by a thread. And then I was side-tracked... Fred Meyer has a cheese counter. With samples. So I stopped and sampled the Beecher's peppery Marco Polo, a cave-aged gruyere, some orange-blue I don't remember and parmigianno reggiano. I even bought some Beecher's. But then it was too late. The Jackson clock had timed out.

I got Jackson a cookie from the bakery but that only bought me a few precious minutes. It was way past his lunch time and the countdown had begun. He kept crying for whatever I was putting in the cart- and I can't blame him, he was definitely hungry. I would have tried to just give him something, but my feat of nursing/pushing cart/keeping two-year-old seated/balancing emtpy infant seat on top of groceries didn't allow much remaining dexterity and I didn't have anything handy to feed him. So I tried to make a run for the check out. I resolutely pushed my seemingly 500 lb. cart toward the checkout amid cries of "Ownge (orange)!! Go-gurt!! Moke (milk)!!! I made my way through the checkout, despite Jackson's attempts to commandeer the credit card slider. I didn't even lose it at the checker when he forgot to scan my coupons and then suggested (amidst the screaming two-year-old in my cart and fussing baby strapped to my front) that I take them to the customer service desk. (I may be crazy, but I ain't that crazy.)

By the time I got to the car, Addy was screaming and ready to eat. Jackson was also screaming and ready to eat. I threw groceries in the car as fast as I could, pulled out a "Danimals" yogurt cup for Jackson and sat in the car to nurse Addy. I enjoyed a few brief moments of quiet before Jackson dropped his cup, splashing yogurt all over his car seat, his clothes and the car. Then, of course, he screamed even louder because his food was gone. So what to do in this position of tranquility and contemplation, pondering how you are going to make the 15-minute drive home in 10 minutes or less (before the older kids get home from school) whilst there is yogurt everywhere? You do what anyone in that position would do: you take a picture. And then thank your lucky stars for baby wipes and garage door codes.

Eventually I will find something to write about besides my battles with dirty dishes and misadventures with toddlers in grocery stores. But today is not that day....

The Tale of the Watermelon or Why You Shouldn't Ever Promise Things to Your Kids

Last week I went to the grocery store with all three kids. Surprisingly, it was not a fiasco and they behaved themselves reasonably well (thank you Safeway and your free cookies from the bakery), although Jackson managed to smash an entire chocolate chip cookie all over his face and shirt.

When we got to the produce department, Camryn begged me to get a watermelon. I have tried to explain to Camryn before that it is generally not a good idea to buy watermelon in the dead of winter, because it is expensive and doesn't taste as good as it does during the summer. However, watermelon is Camryn's FAVORITE food and she was politely persistent (and I haven't bought it in a really long time), so I found one that seemed reasonably small and I put it in the cart. We made our way through the store over the next 45 minutes or so and our quick shopping trip to buy a few items for a potluck was rapidly turning into a full-blown shopping expedition.

We have been trying (like so many other people in today's economy) to make a bigger effort to be frugal. I have been trying to use this month to prove to Dave that I am actually capable of sticking to a budget/spending limit and so far I have been doing pretty well. As I approached the cash register I looked at several of the items that had made their way into the cart and asked the inevitable "Do we really need this?" The mid-winter watermelon caught my eye as an example of an unneeded extravagance, so at the last minute I handed it to the clerk and said we weren't going to get it.

When we got home, Camryn looked through the shopping bags for her beloved watermelon and it wasn't to be found. She asked me where it was and I told her that we got a lot of other stuff for the potluck so I decided to wait and get the watermelon another time. Camryn looked absolutely crushed and said, heartbroken and starting to cry, "Mommy, you tricked me! You told me we were going to get a watermelon and then you tricked me!"

At this point I felt like scum. How could I be so deceitful and wicked as to tell my child that we were going to get a watermelon and then gleefully change my mind at the last moment? Regardless of my wicked or non-wicked intent, I did feel really bad because I had told her we would get a watermelon, so I apologized to Camryn and told her we would get a watermelon the next time we went to the grocery store. This calmed her down.

Every couple of hours for the next few days Camryn asked me when we were going to go to the store and reminded me that we needed to get a watermelon. Finally on Saturday I told her yes, we were going to go to the store today and yes, I would finally get her watermelon. But Saturday was a busy day and I just didn't make it to the store. As Dave and I were getting ready to leave on our date that night, Camryn handed me a sheet from my shopping list pad with "WATRMELIN" written on it. She smiled at me with complete confidence and said, "Don't forget mommy! You promised!" (Grrr, I hate it when I am cornered!)

Dave and I went on our date and on the way home ran into Safeway to get the much-looked-for watermelon and a few boxes of cereal. As I got to the checkout I couldn't figure out why our total was so much. Did we get the wrong size cereal that wasn't on sale or maybe they got something wrong?And then I saw it... the watermelon that I had promised Camryn cost $8. Yes, $8 for a piece of out-of-season fruit, when I'm trying to be frugal and stick to a budget. So I asked the lady if she could hold our order and went back to the produce section to see if they had any smaller watermelon. They had a 1/3 of a watermelon that was only $3, so we got that instead.

Camryn had a yummy lunch the next day with her very favorite food. She also had her confidence restored in her mommy, that she really wasn't out to trick her. And I learned my lesson that you should never tell your kids that you will get them anything. Ever.

Stock and Save?

Against my better judgment, I just made another attempt at attacking the Albertson's stock up sale with 3 kids in tow. Has anyone ever noticed that one's ability to count the items in one's cart and make sure they add up to multiples of ten is seriously impaired by the number of children with you? I'm not one to think that counting to 10 should be a trying endeavor... but I seem to spend more time at Albertson's counting to 3 (as in "Put that back by the count of 3 or else!").

I'm back and alive, but this trip was much less successful than my last trip to Albertson's (minus two of the kids) where I paid $35 for my $90 of groceries (coupon doubling oh yeah!). Today I either forgot or couldn't find several of the coupons that I was going to use and made about 7 trips back and forth across the store to get items I forgot. During the last 15 minutes of this shopping extravaganza Jackson was balanced on my left hip as I tried to steer the cart with one hand and nagged Camryn to stop hanging on the side of the cart so I could push it straight.

When I finally got out of the store I asked myself, "What am I really going to do with 10 cans of Pillsbury crescent rolls? Sure they are good, but they are not exactly going to help me lose my baby weight. Sure they went from $1.50 to $1.00 a can if you bought 10, plus I had a couple of coupons, but is that really 'saving'? Wouldn't it still be cheaper to eat oatmeal instead of buying 10 boxes of cereal at $1.50 a box? On the other hand, have I ever actually gotten up early enough to make Jared oatmeal before he gets on the bus?" Hmmm, point taken. Besides, in terms of food storage it would be a lot easier and tastier to eat cold cereal than plain oatmeal in an emergency.

So which is it? Are stock and save sales a great chance to save or just a great chance to spend more money?