Ten Years Ago Last Week: A Jared Album

I was planning to do this post for a while but -- in typical form-- am getting around to posting it a week late. Sigh, mommy-hood brings out the promptness in all of us.

Last Wednesday marked the 10-year anniversary of when I became a mother. Yes, my oldest child turned 10. Here is a photo tribute to my oldest child, Jared. Jared, I love you and I am proud to be your mother!

Gotta love the cinder block walls in married student housing!

The Father Son Campout

Last night Dave took Jared and Jackson camping at the beach for a church Father/Son Campout. I told Jared to pack a change of clothes into a bag and he did-- along with a package of hot dogs and a half-open bag of giant marshmallows. (I wish I had a picture of the stuff in his bag amid the pajamas and socks...)

Today they are playing on the beach before coming home. These photos are brought to you courtesy of emails from Dave's Blackberry. (Isn't technology amazing?) I love how Jared is dressed in his swimsuit on the gray, freezing Oregon beach. At least he's prepared for the best.... :)

 

A Mommy-Son Date

A while back Dave got called out of town unexpectedly. I already had a babysitter set up for our Friday night date and wasn't looking forward to the prospect of going out by myself. I decided to see if Jared wanted to go out for a "Mommy/Son" date. He wasn't sure if he liked this idea. He was initially just hoping to just get a Slurpee as bribery for (back from when we went tubing during Spring Break) taking Jackson in his tube while I dealt with a meltdown from another child. (I'm seeing a pattern here of using Slurpees for snow-related bribery.) 

I gave him his choice and he finally decided to go with the "Night Out with Mom" option. He decided on dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, but first we grabbed two cupcakes to save for dessert at the "Sweetest Thing" cupcake stand before they closed. Jared got his favorite, Pepperoni Pizza, while I got a Pear/Gorgonzola concoction that had salad greens on the top.

Jared looking appropriately "gourmet."

Pear and gorgonzola pizza.

After dinner, we got a chocolate to munch on at Leonidas and then strolled around the shopping center. Jared even humored me enough to let me go in Gymboree and buy a couple of things for the younger kids. We finished off the evening by browsing at Borders for a while, finally selecting a Sudoku book for Jared and a crossword puzzle book for me. Jared was super-excited to find a huge book of sudoku puzzles for only five dollars. We ate our cupcakes in the car before heading home.

Jared decided that he actually liked this concept of a night out with mom and bragged to Camryn the next day about how fun it was and how many cool things we got to do. He even suggested that Dave and I alter our Friday night date schedule to only every other week-- so we could take turns on the off weeks taking him or Camryn out for dinner instead. I told him that was a really good idea but Dad and I still needed our time together. We settled on an alternate arrangement of planning to do occasional parent/child dates.

I thought spending some one on one time would be a "good idea," but I was surprised at what good company Jared was and how much fun we had. It's really fun to observe as your kids get older and become people with opinions and interests and things to say. Maybe it's just that I'm grateful that I haven't gotten to the stage where my children are embarrassed to be seen in public with me, but I really loved having the chance to spend an evening with Jared.

Poetry for Mother's Day

Jared's Mother's Day poem: (I think he has me pegged...)

Karen
Fun, Loving, Inspiring
Mother of Jared, Camryn, Jackson, Addy
Lover of relaxation and choral music
Who feels proud every time I make a new recipe
Who needs everything to be clean and organized
Who gives love and activity
Who fears a screaming Jackson
Who would like to see her children playing nicely once together
Mom

What's Cooking?

I have always loved to cook. Cooking was a family tradition when I was growing up. We had a special love of cookie dough (as you can see).

Sunday cookie-making at its finest.

But experimenting out of the box was acceptable too. (I think these were Egg and Cheese Omelet Cups.)

So I guess rocking it in the kitchen has been a longstanding hobby/tradition for me. :) (Or at least rocking wild aprons....)

I don't remember if this awesome hat/apron combination was sewn by myself or one of my sisters....

I will try to ignore the fact that I just put plastic wrap on top of a pie and all of that delicious crispy homemade crust is steaming to a slow death.... I was only 11.

Recently Dave and I have taken up cooking together occasionally as a weekend hobby. Green Curry, Red Curry, Tuscan Tomato Bread Soup and Sizzled Citrus Shrimp have been on our recent menus.

 

Sizzled Lemon-Lime Shrimp with Cilantro

I don't make cookies nearly as often as we did growing up (in a marginally successful attempt to control my waistline), but I still love to cook and try new recipes and often make attempts to pass this love of good food and cooking on to my kids.

On Saturday a couple of weeks ago, Jared woke me up and asked me to come down for breakfast. He had made pancakes. He got out the griddle, opened the cookbook and made them completely himself with no adult supervision. Since then, he has repeated this feat twice (once on a school day!). 

He informed me (on the school day that he made pancakes) that there wasn't any syrup so they just had them with cinnamon sugar or whipped cream like crepes.

Now if only I can inspire my 9-year-old to start cooking dinner for me too....

A Mishap

Today we had a rough afternoon. The kids had no school today so everyone was home and in each other's hair all day. Jackson woke up way too early this morning, so by about 4 p.m. every single thing that happened to him was a tragedy of inestimable proportions. Jared seemed to take particular delight in finding "innocent" ways to set him off. After many vain attempts to distract Jackson, get milk down him or otherwise limit the screaming, I pulled out the big guns: we made cookies. In almost no time Jackson was happily eating Peanut Butter Oatmeal Chocolate-Chip Cookie dough while Jared scooped cookies onto the baking sheet.

By 5:35 p.m. peace was finally restored in our house and we had put the first tray of cookies in the oven. We we were waiting for it to bake when the phone rang. It was the mother of Jared's friend on his basketball team, the one that I pick up for practice which-- oh crap! There is practice today and it started at 5:30 and I completely spaced it. I yelled at the child who picked up the phone to tell her that we are on our way and started frantically herding children into the car. I drove as fast as I could to his house, internally kicking myself. So far I had been really reliable in our carpool. I take the boys to practice and they bring them home but I- who frequently struggle with being late-- have made a point to always pick up early and get the boys to practice on time. How could I be so stupid and blow it today?

When I reached Jared's teammate's house, he was waiting out front with his mother. She said, "Can we switch who drops off and who picks up? The boys are supposed to be to practice ten minutes early and you never get them there 10 minutes early." I was stunned. I knew they were supposed to be there 10 minutes early for the first practice of the season, but I assumed for the rest of the practices that there were just supposed to be there at the appointed time. Was the building even open earlier than the time practice started? On one of the days it definitely wasn't and often I usually wait in the parking lot until the person who has the key to the building arrives. I started to reply something about how picking the boys up wouldn't work very well for me and she interrupted and said, "You know what, I'm just going to take him myself. This carpool isn't really working out and I need to make sure he gets there on time," and then she got in her car.

Maybe it was just a bad day for me already, but I drove Jared to practice almost in tears. I felt completely humiliated. If she was so upset about them not arriving ten minutes early to practice each time then why had she not called me and told me as much? It's not like I couldn't have left earlier if I had known that was important to her. I guess I just foolishly assumed that getting them to practice on time was "on time." I recognize that she had every right to be angry with me for forgetting about practice today but the fact that she had actually been upset with me all along for not getting the boys to practice ten minutes early just threw me for a loop.

I think part of why it upset me so much is that I frequently fall into deriving my self-esteem from being "competent and capable." So the thought that some person out there would think that I am anything less than competent and capable is humiliating to me. But even more, I have this picture in my head that people who aren't familiar with Mormon mommy-hood must look at me like I'm a crazy woman from a different planet. I picture them looking at me and thinking, "What is her problem? She is, like, 31 and has four kids. Doesn't she know about birth control? She drives a dumpy car filled with children dressed however they chose to dress themselves with their hair still sticking in multiple directions from when they woke up this morning. She is always late, her house is a mess and her life is complete chaos. If you can't do simple, adult things-- like, say, picking someone up and arriving on time where you need to be-- then maybe you shouldn't have had so many kids in the first place. Maybe then your life would be a little more manageable." (I have a really bad habit of inserting hypothetical words into people's mouths and hypothetical thoughts into their heads.)

I guess I still struggle with feeling like I have to justify myself somehow. Like I need to jump up and wave my hands and say, "Wait a minute!! Actually, I'm not a total incompetent. I have a Master's degree and once had a lucrative job in technical writing and business process analysis (back in what seems like a former life). I have the life I do because I love and value family and I chose this-- not because I accidentally got pregnant and kept repeating the accident. I know I look like a nothing, but there's a lot of brain and talent and a person worth knowing hiding behind these 'mom jeans' and vomit-stained shirt."

So what is it about our culture that makes mommy-hood feel like being a nothing? What is it that makes me feel like being a stay-at-home mom is something that I need to apologize for? Or that the only way I can justify being a stay-at-home mom is if I am a perfect, always prompt, perfectly groomed, tidy-house mom? I know this is my own issue and I just need to come to terms with it myself. I need to be able to say, "I know that I am a person that is worth knowing, even if I'm late sometimes or forget things or have baby boogers on my shirt sleeve. My job is a tough job and deserves respect."

So, yes, this is about me and not about the carpool. I'm doing my best. God knows that and hopefully that's enough.

Some Days

• You cook a nice main dish but run out of energy before you can make a vegetable. 
• Jackson screeches, "I want milk. I want milk! I want milk!!!" like a broken record during the first half of dinner, despite your calm assurances that you will get him his milk cup as soon as he starts eating his other food. (No an all-milk diet is not a great option, Jackson.)
• Your keys that have the mail key on them are still missing after two days. Gosh, could it be from one of the umpteen times my purse has been dumped?
• Just as you're cleaning up from dinner Addy starts projectile barfing all over the couch.
• You get Addy bathed, cleaned up and in fresh pajamas only to have her barf again, this time all over the carpet, the floor and her pajamas. (How did she have anything left? The first barf was pretty big by itself...)
• You lose it and yell "NOOOO!!!" out loud at the sight of the second barf.
• Your nine-year-old takes pity on you and asks, "Do you need some help, mom?" (Yes. Some serious mental help.)
• Your nine-year-old helps clean up the barf on the floor and then makes a sign that says: "Caution! Wet floor! Thank you! Not: Barf. Is: Cleaned/Wiped up barf"

Jared's Birthday

I wrote a birthday tribute post to Jared, but never posted pictures of his actual birthday. We just had a small family celebration but Jared was really excited to open presents and have cake and did I mention open presents?

I made a "Tiger Cake"- a recipe I clipped from the Oregonian ages ago (made with extra-virgin olive oil and pepper- yes, olive oil)- and homemade mint-chocolate-chip ice cream for his family celebration. It was yum-o-licious, if I do say so myself.

 Kind of like marbled pound cake with a bite (Tiger Cake, a bite... get it? ha ha). Jared agreed wholeheartedly.

Dave's mom flew out for a visit to save me from my summer chaos and help me get organized before school started. She arrived on Jared's birthday, just in time to join us for our celebration.

Jared blowing out his candles:

It's hard to believe that my baby is nine- well maybe not that hard to believe....

Happy Birthday, Jared!

Nine Years Ago Today...

Nine years ago today I went from this:

 to this:

At about 9:30 p.m. on August 31st, 2001, Jared made his grand entrance into the world and I became a mother. And my world has never been the same....

Dave and I have come a long way since those days of being starving students, living in a dumpy student apartment (love the cinder-block walls!), juggling a baby with classes. 

 

And Jared has come a long way, growing from the cutest baby ever who "ruled the apartment with an iron fist" to a smart, funny nine-year-old (who still wishes he could rule the house with an iron fist...). ;)

Jared is a planner; he always has a new scheme-- whether it be for selling milk in front yard, hosting a museum in his bedroom, having a circus at our house, producing his own "broadway show" or designing the "Hawaii club" in his room with leftover luau stuff. His favorite food is steak ("dad's steak, medium-rare, so it is really juicy"). He wants to be a scientist or an engineer when he grows up. He plays the piano (grudgingly sometimes, but well) and likes to be in charge. He is head of "the spy team" with his friends. He loves to play Wii, read, ride his bike, do math and just be a kid.

It's amazing how fast he has grown up. Is it really already halfway until he leaves home? I want Jared to know that I love him so much! He is a great kid and I am so proud of him and glad to be his mother.